Talking About “IT”
Why did I put the “IT” in quotations you ask? Well, “IT” is different for each of us. Sometimes “IT” is as simple as having a hard day and needing someone to let go on. Sometimes, “IT” is something much bigger that you feel like you have no one that will listen to you. “IT” can be anything and everything.
For many of us, it is hard to open up to someone. I hear from people that therapy never worked for them and they would never go again. I feel this is true for a lot of us. When I was younger, I was forced into therapy. I trusted a therapist with somethings* I knew would get me in trouble at home. I shared with this therapist because I thought I could trust that my words and feelings would not be shared with anyone. I wanted someone to listen to me and help me make sense of what was going on. I felt wrong in trusting, because not only did this therapist betray my trust, but they also told the abuser in my life what I had shared. Needless to say, that was the last time** I trusted a “professional” with my secrets. Honestly, at that point I learned that it was better to keep it to myself than to be betrayed. And, that my friends, is not a healthy way to go about dealing with feelings.
As I began this journey, one of the things that stood out to me more than anything is this: People do not feel heard! Listening with the intent to reply isn’t listening at all. Listening with empathy, understanding, and a safe space. This is what we all want; just to be heard. To feel that the words we are saying are being met with an open mind. Without fear of judgement or prejudice. A sounding board, if you will. Most of us don’t necessarily need someone to tell us what to do or ask us how we feel about “IT”, but more someone who is there to actively listen!
Active listening is described as: someone who fully engages with and understands the message being communicated by the speaker. By being an active listener, it is possible to build stronger relationships, improve communication, and avoid misunderstandings.
Throughout my journey to better emotional well being, I have found that being an active listener has improved my relationship with myself and with others. Applying the skills I have acquired through learning and everyday experience, has helped me to develop a stronger understanding of my own struggles with communication, boundaries and listening. I learned first hand how it feels to spend major amounts of time, not being heard and in turn, not knowing where to even begin to heal those parts of myself that needed healing. Giving yourself grace to grow and fully understand where you are in the process is a big part of starting the process to healing. Wanting someone to listen, feeling heard and growing in your own emotions, this is what I designed my active listening sessions around. I feel I have created a safe and welcoming space in which to share your thoughts and feelings.
Thank you for taking the time to stop by Heather’s Corner! I hope you have a wonderful day and please remember to SMILE at a random stranger today! Building better mental health, one smile at a time!
* The “something” I shared with the therapist should have a) Been reported to the police, not the abuser and b) I would have been in trouble at home, because we do not talk about abuse that is happening in the home to people (or each other as it turns out).
**This was not the only therapist I saw. It was just the first time I realized it was better to be quiet than to go home and deal with the consequences of talking. Another story for another time I suppose!